I have felt and been mostly alone for so many months. Really since last spring. Or maybe the summer before that when I stopped hosting events.
The months go by. It amazes me sometimes time just goes by now as it does. I buy a month supply of dog food, and it feels like a week later it is gone. The only evidence I have that I lived is that there are new paintings.
Wondering sometimes if I am a good person or not. If I am invisible or the only evidence of me is gossip.

Some friends wrote some things about me recently. It was pretty heartening. I am not invisible. I have been a good force for some people, though not a simple force.

Xandra, 04/24/2003:
Brian is the most amazing people collector I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. He has the unique ability to make everyone feel welcome in his life and his home. He claims to be shy, but anyone can see that he is challenging himself daily and succeeding. What ever Brian applies his focus to will be incredible for all involved, possibly even the world!

Jim, 04/24/2003:
I’ve known Brian a long time, and I have long considered him to be one of my closest friends, even when months or years go by without us having much opportunity to hang out. He has enriched my life in many ways. His directness, his often mischievous humor, his torments and joys, his knowledge, his insights, and his ups and downs I always appreciate.

Ninja, 04/24/2003:
Every encounter I’ve had with Brian has been pleasant, warm, and sometimes cheeky. He is kind and generous and is respected by many.

C.J., 04/24/2003:
Brian is an inspiration to say the least. He’s helped me more in the last two years than anyone has in my life besides my parents. He’s supported me with his kindness, his willingness to listen to my thoughts, his criticism, and his generosity. He introduced me to his friends and let me live at his house for dirt cheap. He larnt me quite a bit, and I think the best thing he’s done is prove to me that people who I respect as much as I respect him respect me back.

Deb, 04/24/2003:
The thing I like most about Brian is his perspective on life. It’s big and beautiful and colorful and bouncy and ancient. Funnily enough, that’s what his artwork looks like too. I like asking him for his perspective because he is extremely honest in each moment. And then when he expands or changes his mind a few days later, he’s just as empassioned about that perspective. Very refreshing.

Peter, 04/23/2003:
Brian is a fantastic. He invited me into his life and group of friends with open arms without much more than a nod from a friend of his. What a guy! Caring, kind, generous, open. Really just a fantasic fellow.

Emily, 04/23/2003:
Brian has bigger thoughts than just about anyone. He lives in his head for hours at a time and then comes up with a unified theory of the social universe and how people interact. But he’s secretly also one of the sweetest, most sensitive guys around. He paints things that are complex and disturbing and beautiful. He might have a messiah complex, but then again, he just might be God.

Amani, 04/22/2003:
I *heart* Brian Fey! He’s brainy, creative, sexy, adventurous and fun loving. He can simultaneously host a party, cook dinner, flirt, make sure the hot tub and its denizens are happy, and ponder the theories of existence with three different people (or more)! He rocks. Fearlessly.

Lars, 04/21/2003:
Brian will challenge you, push your intellectual and physical limits and make your life the adventure that it should be. He is a wonderful person to have in your life…

D., 04/20/2003:
Brian is currently searching. & painting.

Simon, 04/19/2003:
Brian is a funny cool and thoughtful guy with an evil grin…

Rachel, 04/18/2003:
Brian and I do art nights sometimes. I like that a lot. Sometimes Brian is odd and makes you go-”hmmm”-but in a good way. He has a big heart and a lot of wisdom.

Beth, 04/17/2003:
Brian has cool clothes. Sometimes he comes bowling. I always feel special when I’m at an event and he shows up – he has a quiet, crazed presence. We talked more on the night that we first met than we ever have since, and that’s ok somehow.